May 29, 2009, at 8:42 pm
20. Jessica Simpson has always been given a lot of crap about her weight, whether it be on the plus side or the minus side; to which she boldly replied: “I’m not anorexic, I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one…and that includes me!“
19. One of the greatest discoveries in ’96 was that of a very well preserved mummy named Juanita. At a fundraiser for Juanita, Bill Clinton just had to leave his mark. “If I were a single man,” Clinton said, “I’d ask that mummy out. That’s a good looking mummy!” Like that has stopped him before…Is sex with Hillary really that bad?
18. After Ivana Trump and Donald Trump got divorced in ’91, Ivana decided to turn novelist, on which she commented: “Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.“ Her “fictional” novel about herself became a best seller.
17. In Dec. of 2003 right after her sex tape was released, Paris Hilton really wanted to get back some of that self respect by saying the following on USA Today. “I’m so smart now; everyone is always like take your top off, I’m like no. They just want that money shot” Yes Paris…NOW you’re smart.
16. When Diane Sawyer brought out the big guns on Whitney Houston asking her if she smokes crack, Whitney shot back with: “Lets get something straight, crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack, crack is whack!” I guess we all found out later…you can never make too much money to smoke crack!
15. When a magazine announced that David Hasslehoff was quitting Baywatch, David got a little emotional: “Beyond its entertainment value, Baywatch has helped save lives and enriched so many.” Hoff…the half naked babes on the show save lives… in make believe world!
14. When Gary Busey had to change teams on Celebrity Fit Club, he suddenly got very philosophical. “There’s nothing like changes because nothing changes but the changes.“
13. In ’97 when Linda Evangelista was asked about her own beauty, she said: “It was God that made me so beautiful; If I wasn’t then I’d be a teacher” Just more proof that most teachers are ugly; and this from the same woman who said that she wouldn’t get out of bed for less then $10,000 a day.
12. Michael Jackson…Love his music, not so much on the morals. When he was asked about sharing his bed with children, he stated: “Why can’t you share your bed? The most loving thing you can do is share your bed.” This of course led to his child molestation charges in which he was later acquitted. It didn’t take long till he abandoned Never Land and fled overseas.
11. And here is Dan Quail with his pearls of wisdom once again: “I was recently on a tour of Latin America and my own regret is that I didn’t learn Latin harder in school, then I could converse with those people“
10. On the first episode of The Newlyweds, Jessica Simpson uttered the words that made dumb history “Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know its tuna but it says Chicken of the Sea.“
9. Even party animal Tara Reid knew she was out of her league when she asked her waiter what the Acropolis was, then followed with: “I’m sounding worse then Jessica Simpson right now. She’s looking like a rock scientist.” It’s like the blind leading the blind.
8. We all know that Joaquin Phoenix has a tendency to go off to his happy place sometimes. After the screening of Walk the Line, Joaquin stopped for quite an unusual interview on the red carpet and stole the show. “Do I have a frog in my hair because it feels like something is crawling out of my head? I’m not worried about my hair; I’m worried about my brain being eaten“
7. In Sept. of 2005 we all felt for those who were hit by the Katrina disaster. But no one cared more then Barbara Bush when she said: “So many people here were under privileged anyway, this is working out very well for them.” So thank God for hurricanes…
6. When NBA star Jason Kidd was drafted as a sophomore to the Dallas Mavericks, he vowed to make a difference: “Were going to turn them around 360 degrees.” so they can get back to right where they started.
5. At George Bush’s 2004 campaign rally dedicated to limiting malpractice lawsuits, George got a little too excited: “Too many good docs are getting out of America. Too many OBGYN’s are not able to practice their love with the women of America“
4. When the co-writer of Paris’s autobiography congratulated her on being a best seller on the Wall Street Journal, Paris said “What is the Wall Street Journal? Is that good?” Yaa, and like Wal-Mart sells wall stuff… Daaa!
3. When a reporter asked Shaquille O’Neal if he went to the Parthenon when he was in Rome, O’Neal proudly said, “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs we went to.” I just hope he remembers how to dribble.
2. In 2002 Britney Spears was named the most powerful girl of the year and she still continues to amaze us with her worldly knowledge. “I never wanted to go to Japan, because I don’t like fish and I never really wanted to go to Africa.“
1. The new Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, was asked about his stand on gay marriage. Arnold declared:” I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”
And who better than the Terminator to terminate our Dumbathon…Congratulations to all our winners.
